Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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