I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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