1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
