don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Pooping to opera.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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