Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
