Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
