Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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