Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize