omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
