nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
