I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
