And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
