I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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