so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
