Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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