I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
