trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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