Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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