6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
