we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
