I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
