I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
