I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
