I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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