You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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