just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
