I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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