found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
