I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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