i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
