I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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