dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
