nut hugger
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
