Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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