She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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