just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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