Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
