Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
