porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
