Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
