Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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