Someone shit on the floor
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
