It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
50% drunk capacity currently
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize