I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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