he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
