we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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