why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
