She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
