I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
PANTIES FOUND
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