Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
