When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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