Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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