I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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