Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
