Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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