My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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