R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
