Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
my liver is dry heaving
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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