found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
