This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
