im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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