Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
