Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
