You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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