The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
