I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
