She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
