Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
