There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
