Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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