My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
