Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize