bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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